Friday, October 11, 2013

thoughts on pregnancy thus far

(took this photo right after we found out we were expecting)

At just over halfway through, I finally have the energy and ability to reflect on the past few months and what is to come. I honestly don't have much to say, besides that I am very content and happy. Before getting pregnant, I was worried that I wouldn't be 'good' at it - that I'd eat the wrong things, or miss wine too much, or not be able to attend to my daily life, or be too emotional / depressed to thrive. Looking back, that was just typical worrywart Stephanie coming out, and I now realize my fears were unfounded and that I am generally stronger than I sometimes think I am. Being pregnant has been a wonderful experience and I've tried to appreciate every moment of it. Even the "hung over on a boat"-feeling of morning sickness, and the worries about if baby girl is doing okay, and the weight gain that has slightly bruised my ego. Especially the little kicks I feel daily (which on a sentimental level are amazing, on a purely physical level are weird), the tenderness and happiness that emanates from The Husband whenever he looks at my belly, and the excitement we both feel at meeting this little girl next year.
(8 week ultrasound)

I think a huge reason why I have been so happy and content is that this pregnancy is planned and wanted (I feel even more strongly pro-choice now than before I got pregnant because this is a lot to go through and should be chosen, not forced upon someone). I am proud of us for making life decisions that had our future family in mind for the past 6 years; these decisions are allowing us to grow our family without significant logistical concerns. The Husband and I have also grown and matured together over the course of our relationship, and I am so grateful to be in such a stable, healthy, and happy relationship that is full of passion and laughter. I mean, no one's ever 100% prepared for a child (I honestly have no idea what to expect next year!), but we have done our best with what is within our control, and have faith that the rest of it will work out. We will do our best to be good parents who raise children with a sense of responsibility, empathy, and positivity. Any failings we will have will not come from lack of trying, at least.

(taken just before rushing out the door for a concert. 22 1/2 weeks.)

As for giving birth, I'm not going to pretend like I'm not nervous about the experience. Childbirth sounds, honestly, kind of scary, though I'm trying to view it as an overall positive experience (and if all else fails, at least I'll get a baby out of it). I don't really have a super strong opinion about how I give birth. I'd prefer to avoid a c-section just because it's major surgery, not because it would be taking away from my overall birth experience or some similar egotistical mindset like that. I'm not exactly looking forward to pain and will do my best to use breathing and relaxation for pain management, but I know I'll probably get an epidural if it gets to the point where I'm willing to sacrifice my mobility during labor to get pain relief. But who knows? Maybe I'll end up eating my words, but at least I accept that this experience may go one of several ways and that as long as our little girl is healthy and okay at the end, I will be okay, too.

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