today

(i only buy running shoes on sale. because of that, they're usually a really great combination of pink and hideous)

Today was one of those hard days. I stumbled upon something I made a year ago, when this whole crazy journey began. I forced myself to chuckle aloud at my former naivete, but all I could feel was this deep ache in my gut. The ache has certainly dulled over the past year, but I still can't help but feel it. And honestly? I wanted to wallow in self-pity a little. I wish this could be easy and I wish I never had to experience any of this. I miss being naive and optimistic. 

I wanted to throw away what I found, so that I would never stumble upon it in the future and have it hurt me again. But then again, if this all works out, I would be throwing away something important and valuable. If it doesn't work out, this thing is useless. I guess I still have a little more hope than I realized, because I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it.

Thank goodness for exercise, endorphins, and sunshine. This evening's run is much-needed and will be much appreciated.